【Jewnicorn/RPS】To Be My Boyfriend Really

睡不着写个小段子

🔺脑洞源自晚上看了早些时候Jesse的一个小节目,后来真·马总也来了,被紧张到快哭的Jesse萌一脸
🔺时间点错乱,入坑晚不了解TSN那些访谈的时间顺序,实在抱歉(不要在意这些细节!
🔺对话全英文不要介意,因为经常能脑补到俩孩子说话的语气内容,一直觉得中文有点违和
🔺那些对话尤其是卷毛说的话,如果可以一定要脑内用二倍语速读出来!相信我你一定会感受到卷卷说话的语气表情甚至手势!
🔺一发完


🔸

加菲第七次尝试发动他的摩托车,心里想着这是最后一次了,但是依旧并没有成功。但这并没有使他难过,放弃摩托车的那一刻加菲的心里是暗喜的,因为他可以有正当理由找Jesse来送他去录那个小采访。然而半小时之后加菲盘腿坐在床边面对着手机上删删改改了无数次依然没有发出去的短信,才意识到着刚才自己的想法是有多天真,自己完全无法淡定地面对Jesse更别提请他帮忙。加菲掐着手机往后仰倒在床上嗷嗷叫着,半分钟后他突然坐起来“Fuck off! Andrew Garfield! Be a man!" 这样想着牙一咬心一横直接拨出了电话,当Jesse名字下面的calling变成00:00的那一刻,加菲又紧张到不知道该说什么,并没有做到刚刚勇气十足对自己说的Be a man。

Jesse温柔好听的声音从听筒传来,“Hey, man. Morning! What's up?"

加菲瞬间慌了,咳了几下清清嗓子,
“Hey Jess, eh,em, l have a mini conversation today and l have, eh, actually my motor is broken and l have to get to the studio before ten and it's twenty past nine right now and, eh cou-could you..."

"Sure, yeah I can pick you up. I mean, eh Actually I can drive to yours right now!"

"Wow thanks my bro. It's so kind of you..."

"That's all right, that's all right. Be ready and waiting for me."

"Thanks a lot I I I'm here waiting for u..."

"CU later bro!"

哇哦,就这么简单?加菲受宠若惊的同时,也觉得理所应当,Jesse那么nice的人,是一定会帮助朋友的,又何况是我。等等,说的好像我有什么不同似的,我们是最好的朋友那也只是朋友而已其实并没有和别人有什么不同是嘛可是我们是最好的朋友啊当然会不同…加菲感觉现在自己的脑子已经转不动了,因为里面填满了Jesse和他柔软的小卷毛,自己仿佛回到了十六岁在走廊的储物柜见到隔壁女生冲自己笑一下都会脸红的少年时代。正想着有的没的,就听见门口的鸣笛,加菲抓起双肩包就大步冲了出去。

“Hey, so fast, you!"

"Well it's a close distance you know."

卷氏标准歪头摊手。

其实见到Jesse之后加菲就不那么紧张了,Jesse总是能让加菲感到安心和舒适,他们那么合得来,相处起来从来不会尴尬,他喜欢听Jesse手舞足蹈地满嘴跑火车,也喜欢看他一动不动的认真脸听自己说着不那么漂亮的话。怎么会有人动静都这么耐看,加菲常这样想。

🔸

很快到了studio,9:47,时间刚刚好。漂亮的助理姐姐看到Jesse的时候还惊讶了一下,给他们端了两杯咖啡,“怪道说你们是好朋友呢,今天得见了。”Jesse无奈摊了摊手,加菲则抱着咖啡低头抿了一口来掩盖略微发红的脸颊。“Andrew先等一下,里面马上就好。”说着助理姐姐踩着细高跟离开了休息室。

Jesse兴致勃勃地跟加菲说着昨天的经历
"You know I always feel anxious in live shows and I feel very very nervous when I saw so much audience around me! You know they crying JJESSEE and even crying MARK! Wow you know I can't say a complete sentence you know I was so nervous, but That's Was NOT the worst! At the moment I saw Mark Zuckerberg come out of nowhere I was totally dumbfounded you know I was totally out of words! Why on earth he is here! What the hell should I say! I really don't know what to say so I ask him 'um Mark have you seen the film TSN?' He said yeah with warm smile and I was a little released and I ask 'how do u think about it?' He answered with a subtle smile 'hum...interesting' oh my god my nerves became nervous again and I......"

其实加菲也不知道Jesse在说什么,就看着他好看的,像是涂了ysl14号斩男色的嘴唇快速地开开合合。

加菲也不知道自己做了什么,当他反应过来的时候自己已经倾身向前轻轻地啄了一下那双可爱的嘴唇,又迅速弹开回到了自己的位子上。

屋子里瞬间安静了下来,Jesse愣住了,加菲更是愣得仿佛在八千米高空飞。

加菲还没有意识到事态严重性的时候,Jesse先开口了,“Andrew, what are you doing..."
又是面无表情只有眼睛在发光的认真脸。

加菲本想打个哈哈过去“You are really noisy and I jus I just want you shut up I jus..."

“No no no Andrew, seriously, I mean why are you doing that?"

又是被打断,像今天早上他满口答应来接他一样的打断。

又是认真脸,认真的看不出喜怒的卷氏皱眉。

这次轮到加菲真的慌了,像是隐藏已久的秘密被发现,像是偷吃零食被妈妈捉了现形。从胸腔到喉咙好像瞬间被抽了真空,心脏停止,咦停止了怎么还会跳,快要跳出来了,别跳了!Damn it 别跳了!我不能呼吸了!加菲掐着咖啡杯的手骨节惨白,脸上的肌肉抽搐,漂亮的小脸无法露出哪怕一个暖心的微笑,只得保持半哭不笑自己也不知道什么样的诡异表情,完全说不出话来。

就在这时助理姐姐推门说道“Andrew come on boy, it's ready now.”

这仿佛是老天给加菲开的地缝,他迅速站起来把咖啡往桌上一墩,因为用力太大撒到了手上,又抽了两张纸巾擦掉咖啡渍“eh um I'm, I, my interview first..."然后在Jesse眼刀的注视下狼狈逃离了休息室。来到录播室平复一下心情开始了他的mini talk。

🔸

这边Jesse默默喝完了手里的咖啡,虽然完全食不知味,翘着腿捏着下巴低头想了有一刻钟,依然是保持着一动不动的姿势,加菲以前说他如果Jesse玩123木头人,一定每次都是冠军。Jesse笑了,用食指关节,轻轻碰了碰自己的嘴唇,哇哦,好像知道了不得了的事情。突然起身,快步来到监控室,看到正在录制的Andrew,他的Andrew。

Jesse抱着手臂站在单向玻璃前,注视着Andrew,看着他羞涩有有些尴尬地笑着,
"As soon as I met him, I fell in love with him, kind of. I projected every single one of those things onto him, because he's you know, he's so vulnerable, as a human being and he's so kind of open...I had to be in awe of him, to support him, to be protective of him and want him for myself, to...to be his boyfriend, really, um in every way but a sexual way. Um so so that was ... It was all very, very easy, because I think Jesse is a genius....it's very easy for me to spend every moment every day with him ... So that was a piece of cake to fall in love with Jesse!"

如此直白,直白到有些蠢萌可爱的表白,看得监控室的工作人员,都面色微红神情微妙地看着站在单向玻璃前听着现场直播的Jesse,而故事的男主角却始终面带微笑直身而立,似是在听一件最普通的家常事,似是早就习惯或是预料到了这样的话语。Jesse就这样一直站着,等到conversation一结束,他转身走出房间,在录播室门口,只待Andrew出来,上前半步给了他一个拥抱。平时甚少有肢体接触,甚至有些抗拒拥抱的Jesse此时用了自己最大的深情抱着他的可爱的男孩子。加菲愣了半秒看到是他,脸红了半边,小心而又深情地回抱住他的Jesse,

"hey you heard it..."

"Yeah I heard it"

依然是温柔好听的声音

"It's a shame..."

"Nono No I don't think so..."

"Well do you like it?"

加菲声如蚊蚋,又似喃喃自语。

"I heard it and I feel it, and I feel you"

Jesse轻轻拍了拍加菲的背

"Thank you my friend..."

"That's why you did that right, My boyfriend?"

加菲只感觉到自己耳后的皮肤被什么柔软的东西轻轻碰了一下。

🔸

加菲的呼吸道再也不会窒息了,只是心跳过速这毛病,怕是长久治不好了。加菲的天空都亮起来了,今天的加菲猫依然是世界上最幸福的猫,因为他以后都有Jesse猫陪着了。

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